"I won't give up on my life. I'm a Warrior Queen - live passionately tonight." I don't suppose it's merely coincidental that Lady GaGa released her song with these lyrics at the same time when I am feeling like I need to find strength. Sure, I'm no Warrior Queen...nor am I Xena, Warrior Princess....but I have to say that this song is doing wonders for me when I am feeling low. So...thanks to pop music and Lady GaGa for empowering me! HA!
I will quickly summarize the events since the trip to Cleveland. I came back to work and had conversations with the management group about my cancer and went on short term disability. Letting go of my work has been very difficult. I hate to start something and then not finish it, or hand it off to someone. But, it is what it is...and right now, I don't have a whole lot of control over much in my life. That's not easy when you're a control freak like me!
Today is a big cancer day for me. I will be talking with the Cancer Resource Group through my health insurance so that they can talk to me about the additional benefits we get for becoming a member. I am going to see my primary care physician today to be examined and cleared for surgery. Then, I am meeting with Carol, a woman here in Buffalo who got the same diagnosis as mine this past October. She had her surgery in November, and we are meeting for coffee to talk about the things we have in common. It really helps to talk to people who are also a 'member of the club.' Cancer really screws up your mind, and I think it is hard for people outside of it to understand everything it does to you mentally and emotionally.
My surgery is Friday and I cannot wait! I have no anxiety over the surgery. My anxiety stems from waiting and doing nothing. I want to get the surgery and know that we are doing something to kill this disease. I feel prepared for the surgery. I know what to expect. What I do not feel prepared for is the recovery period. I don't really enjoy just sitting around. This will be interesting....
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